Self-Haunting

July 25, 2021

My monster is dead and I don’t feel safe…
My monster has passed and I’m still not free…
My monster’s bites should be healing now…
So why do I still mainline the pain of the monster’s touch?


Haunted houses are filled with new souls purged…
Haunted houses are now burnt to ash and cinder…
Haunted houses are now lost in the rush of time…
So why do I still feel the house’s floor under my feet?


Mirror shows what I never want to reflect upon…
Mirror shines with light that I am the subject mused…
Mirror captured the soul of the monster, the haunt…
So now I come to awaken that now the monster lives on in me.

Thomas Spychalski


Aphoristic

July 25, 2021

I wait on unabridged security from an unsecured world,
Holding light aloft for anyone not to see only but to claim it,
Permissions holding back so much from the air it grows stale,
Awaiting love and touch from ghosts that are long since dead.

Thomas Spychalski


Straight Black Coffee

July 21, 2021



She asked me why it all had to be darkened such,
I asked back to track down why they burnt trust,
Light cling to those that love is not quite a crutch,
Metal hearts caught in citrus rain begin to fray, rust.

Not sure why I drink all my coffee straight black,
The cream is too rich and the sugar securely sweet,
To one who’s back only bended in, became cracked,
When every story ended not with satisfaction but defeat.
Thomas Spychalski


Jones

July 19, 2021


Hold it all in, hold it tight,
Never breathe it out, plight,
Suffer in silence, safer for all,
No worries, no answer, so, no call.

The world around me gone mad,
Joined it before it was ever had,
Mercy does not exist, they lie,
Worthy things left out in the son to die,


Cannot escape if you cannot run,
Internal malady, melody of no one,
Temptation to live, no more dialouge,
Arteries once open, slow, clogged.

Defecit from your profit, how does it feel?
to be wanted, to be, to fly, to become real,
Told the rabbit he’d be naught, skin and bone,
Nothing to escape to, this want me, love me, hate me, kill me jones.
-Thomas Spychalski


No Title

August 7, 2020

People only call to need salve when they burn,
When your skin is fresh and supple, there is no return,
When days are bright my court’s adjourned,
Being ‘loved’ in such a way is being used, when will I learn?

No days that count unless you bend on a scraped knee,
The Magic words are: “I need,” now watch them flee,
If you cast shadows after, that too is on me,
A man who loves so much forced never to be.

The world’s cold extreme exclusion,
While you live in a gilded glowing illusion,
It’s OK to kill if it means your absolution,
Never mind the blood and the other’s confusion.

Lay down the sword only to pick up the shield,
Against false prophets, lies they do wield,
My brain is set to naught, my heart is peeled,
Only desperation and exasperation in my field.


Don’t take Away My Rain (I May Need It)

August 4, 2020

Only a month ago on the day, they call independence day,
The rush was so sweet and that night so complete,
I truly felt alive and whole, everything was finally OK…

Next evening the clouds came from the sky,
Consequences of that silly incidence,
And it made me wonder why oh why?

But you can’t give up and you can’t lay down,
Don’t let that old devil have his crown,
because you never know, because you never know,
Just because the mountains tall,
well, that doesn’t mean shit at all,
And even if it’s a lifetime or a day,
You still have time to dance and sway,
please don’t waste the day…
Because you never know…

You may know all the pain I’ve seen, but I’m not sure if you know what it means,
It is not just a feeling of the hurt, but rather the way the healing flirts,
I won’t go away, I won’t back down, I will continue to stand my ground,
For you and me and everyone…

You can’t give up and you can’t lay down,
Don’t let that old devil have his crown,
because you never know, because you never know,
Just because the mountains tall,
well, that doesn’t mean shit at all,
And even if it’s a lifetime or a day,
You still have time to dance and sway,
please don’t waste the day…
Because you never know…

Don’t you dare take my pain, don’t you dare take my rain, don’t you try and take the only things that will make me stronger………..

Don’t you dare take my pain, don’t you dare take my rain, don’t you try and take the only things that will make me stronger………..
Thomas Spychalski 


Good Little Doggy

July 18, 2020

Bored and lonely, once again in this room,
The same old cell of four walls.
Pardon and parole, once again I am gone,
No time to stop or to stall.

Putting the toys in the toy box,
Because I no longer want to play.
it seems the only time you are happy,
is when you get your own way (and I stay).

Good little doggy he said, just sit right here,
You used me to buffer all your fear.
Your little best friend now has grown heavy with your pain,
Gave me all the shit I hold, yet still, I abstain.

Drugs and booze used to be my calling card,
Wash away any feelings of thought.
When you fell you fell hard,
and you want me to re-buy what I already bought (and thrown away)

Putting the toys in the toy box,
Because I no longer want to play.
it seems the only time you are happy,
is when you get your own way (and I stay).

Good little doggy he said, just sit right here,
You used me to buffer all your fear.
Your little best friend now has grown heavy with your pain,
Gave me all the shit I hold, yet still, I abstain.

Sins and events, I can’t quite remember,
While laying in that bed.
Yelling and angry, you shouted it at me,
Does that mean it was true?

Want you to know I forgive because my soul is all I was left with.
Want you to know I love you, even though I still burn.
Want you to know I wish I had a father, even though your right here.

Manipulate, I procrastinate, only because of your fucking hate, this is it all goes down, soon you’ll see who wears the crown, king of the house, king of the dog, while I wandered in this deep fog, you took my actions but not my soul, I will no longer bury this shit back in that hole, blacked-out memories, I’m not right, but still, I won’t waste another night..this is you…you were inside me and I have to let you go…

Putting the toys in the toy box,
Because I no longer want to play.
it seems the only time you are happy,
is when you get your own way (and I stay).

Good little doggy he said, just sit right here,
You used me to buffer all your fear.
Your little best friend now has grown heavy with your pain,
Gave me all the shit I hold, yet still, I abstain.
Thomas Spychalski 


Sitting Ovation

June 28, 2020

Something like gravitation, a fascination, yet machinations takes the fixation through filtration then frustration, leading to stagnation…

And in the end, it’s just another bend with the flirtation of scared silent divination, just our mom’s natural rotation but I feel like I’ve been put on probation but it’s really a whine and moan narration…

So I guess for right now we can forget the next standing ovation…

Thomas Spychalski 


Curtain Call

June 24, 2020

You always want me to be your sunshine, but it’s hard to soak up the light when you feel as cold as the moon.
Through trials and tribulations it’s never mine, but yet they tell me for the honest and good man, it must be coming soon.

And yet we have to live through today, perform today’s version of this play, and even if I cry after the curtains draw closed and sway, the things that burn within I’d never give away.
Thomas Spychalski


Difference

June 24, 2020

I’m out here is there anything real,
Anger rises and I hate to feel…

…All those things that call inside,
Wounds deep that hurt my pride.

Liars and circumstance of the task,
Meanwhile, you get to choose to bask…

…In all the things I willingly gave,
Guess it is my lot always a drone, slave.

When all I want to do is rest in arms,
That truly loves me, never to harm…

…Endless fruitless circle, cold thrush,
So infected, this dark heart does gush.

Bleeding out here for all to point and see,
The difference between you and me.

…Is I make it my purpose to hold and heal,
While you are a criminal, one-sided chance to steal.
Thomas Spychalski 


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