Sub-root Proxy Text

June 8, 2017

Self-prophesized to death,

so as I take the next heavy breath,

I wonder why I’m still swinging…

 

Aches in my bruised heart,

Thoughts broke down and apart,

So why are we still clinging…

 

And as we run the sub-root proxy text,

I can tell you, just what happens next,

internally parts of me drown inside another,

not quite sure whether to love or destroy each other.

 

To know thy enemy is great advice, but to be both the aggressor and the defender is to be cut twice.

Thomas Spychalski 

 


The Small Things Drag You Down

March 19, 2017

“It’s the little things that kill
Tearing at my brains again
The little things that kill…” – Bush

Depression and mental illness are still taboo words in the modern world, at least in the sense that although as a species we are more aware that these things actually do exist (I mean come on, as recently as the fifties or sixties you could tell your family doctor you were feeling ‘down’ and he or she would hand you a script for quaaludes…which just created another problem) and the ways that they work, but I think when it comes down to society we still do not see depression as the same as we would someone in a wheelchair or with a broken leg.

Most of us would open a door for the two examples of physical ailments described above but most are hard pressed to do the same thing for someone who is suffering from depression or anxiety, two mental illnesses that have dominated large across my nearly four decades on this Earth.

So in that sense, I am being a bit unfair and hypocritical, because of it easier for me to empathize and relate to others I might encounter who are suffering through similar times and the same disease.

And then my whirlwind of a smart but totally fucked at times mind (that is a technical term by the way, and I think I just stole a joke from a Batman film), will go even further down the rabbit hole and tell me psychology is still a kind of new science being taught to people that think a reality television star would make a good world leader and at one time thought disco was cool.

(Yeah, my brain is kind of a dick.)

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Coming Home

February 22, 2017

419204_353369678017487_824202948_nShuffle through suffer and toil, bodies on the boil.

Waiting for Day’s end here, even though it ain’t clear.

Observing the world around, your life brings me down.

La Fin, filled with doubt, for now, we must go without.

 

Coming home again, even if home is away,

Nothing from no one, no one to share any day,

I can fight it, I can make it relent, but it plays.

Every time you think you’re out, you find it stays.

 

Just wanna head home, don’t need no restricted zone, don’t need no ragged bones, through what we have shown, should we not have gotten a tasting on the life the world has shown?

 

Empty uninterested faces, what can I do to get in good graces?

Everlasting question, forbidden you must never mention.

About the scarring tears, about the worry and the fears.

Asking, pleading, needing, no feeding, to what fate are we speeding?

 

Coming home again, even if home is away,

Nothing from no one, no one to share any day,

I can fight it, I can make it relent, but it plays.

Every time you think you’re out, you find it stays.

Just wanna head home, don’t need no restricted zone, don’t need no ragged bones, through what we have shown, should we not have gotten a tasting on the life the world has shown?

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Stitches And Scalpels

February 22, 2017

Fast, the one that burns the forest straight to the ground…

Last, the one that gets to be king, wear the crown…

Hiding, here talents squared and silently laid to rest…

Biding, time in daydreams/nightmares or just a jest?

 

Wandering, here where I am alone and afraid…

Pondering, where I was when this was made…

Uneducated, in the ways of the Human unkind…

Annunciated, all the pain, said fuck pride…

 

And yet dreams still spit, lovely dark hope I want to try.

Yet I split, reach out, cut down, then we ask why?


Survivalist Memes… (Valentine’s Day & Other Void-Scapes)

February 15, 2017

capturePeople suck.

They do, they really do.

Some try not to suck, they do the right things, follow the unwritten social rules and strive to see every person as an individual.

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Second Hand Prayer

January 29, 2017

10329669_748016928552758_1804625525937412375_oThe mind is like a clock, ticking ever on, by the time you turn to face it, that second is already gone.

Wistful thinking in blue draped satin feelings of grace, tick-tock, on and on we drop to the resting place.

Born of fire and cooled by the world of temperance and temptation, we inward march, with or without invitation.

Secrets are never secret, we all can see the truth of the matter, yet when our backs are weak with weight, the rest can shatter.

Only by walking on the bed of nails can we ever find the path that leads to the garden, but the road has not always been kind, excuse me, beg please now my pardon.

Let me in I have been knocking as the clock ticks forever more, or at least can someone point me to the light that illuminates the way to my door…

Thomas Spychalski


Full Redemption, Healing, Sorry About the Lapse of Grace

January 25, 2017

IMAG2853I have found the base of my personal religion,

Found the time, to make the decisions….

To times unkind, we unwind dead premonitions,

I still can be blind, to un-ignited ammunition.

 

I am trying the best I can, to be the person I see inside this man.

Horrid, horrid, yes I know I can be,

But war is hell and the war is in me.

Casualties mount, so many I cannot count…

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