Don’t Pull The Trigger

November 29, 2016

253514-abstract-gun-shooting-736x459

Throughout the changing times, for every bit of progress, every dropped dime,

I have not forgotten the moments where I falted, took it all back to square one, in your eyes you felt assaulted.

Rising and the payback, the lines that crack, the areas of my gain, turns into mutual pain, and now I’ve left us with the stain.

 

Don’t pull that trigger son, don’t shoot till you see the whites of it’s eyes.

Friendly fire rings out hollow, hang up on that order you don’t dare follow.

blasting your angels, cause heaven forbid we leave hell, they see what you did, during your sick show and tell.

Don’t pull the trigger down, it will only cover us in rusted shrapnel to drown.

Don’t pull that trigger true, it will only serve the end of you and bring down the ‘why’ of the fight, the reasons…

 

Now trapped outside the madness, the silent solitude of pain, proved right so we can soak in our sweet rain.

Tornado of the soul in the perfect storm, severe weather on you create, anything to keep the status quo warm.

Soaking in the misery, kill those that love me, I hate this side of me, one day we will be free, and on that day I can finally repent for the demon I made them see.

 

Don’t pull that trigger son, don’t shoot till you see the whites of it’s eyes.

Friendly fire rings out hollow, hang up on that order you don’t dare follow.

blasting your angels, cause heaven forbid we leave hell, they see what you did, during your sick show and tell.

Don’t pull the trigger down, it will only cover us in rusted shrapnel to drown.

Don’t pull that trigger true, it will only serve the end of you and bring down the ‘why’ of the fight, the reasons…

 

After the cease fire treaty, soldiers lay down their arms, and we now feel so damn needy for what we killed ourselves,

Now we resist the commanders, the angry wounded general safe on the hill, while the peasants of my past wave the victory banners.

Post-traumatic king of shit, wasting bit by bit, only to stand in place, and yet they saw my face, and the value they placed I refused.

 

And fired…

Don’t pull that trigger son, don’t shoot till you see the whites of it’s eyes.

Friendly fire rings out hollow, hang up on that order you don’t dare follow.

blasting your angels, cause heaven forbid we leave hell, they see what you did, during your sick show and tell.

Don’t pull the trigger down, it will only cover us in rusted shrapnel to drown.

Don’t pull that trigger true, it will only serve the end of you and bring down the ‘why’ of the fight, the reasons…

 

Please hate me cause it tells me you once loved me, please leave because it proves you were once here…

Now let me push you away before I accept, the bonds I had so I can feel inept, let me wash your love in dirt, can’t feel it anyway till it hurts.

And please take away the curse, of feeling them after I made it worse, crossed wires I swear, once was a defense, now getting intense, waiting for that other shoe to drop, because it always does, then time stops.

 

Don’t pull that trigger son, don’t shoot till you see the whites of it’s eyes.

Friendly fire rings out hollow, hang up on that order you don’t dare follow.

blasting your angels, cause heaven forbid we leave hell, they see what you did, during your sick show and tell.

Don’t pull the trigger down, it will only cover us in rusted shrapnel to drown.

Don’t pull that trigger true, it will only serve the end of you and bring down the ‘why’ of the fight, the reasons…

Lay that gun down son, you no longer need to fire…yet fear…persists on the front.

Thomas Spychalski 

 

 

 


The Stop

November 26, 2016

picsay-1475609560Chugging along as best as the engine can manage, not trying to think thoughts of woe and disadvantage.

Just trying to see past the blinding pain of the present, out from these times that bring nothing but discontent.

 

Then I stop, think and focus on lonely, nothing coming, just more running, To myself the one and the only…

Then I stop, drop and cannot roll with this, I have no more strength even to raise a fist, just get this over with, if all that I wish, is always amiss…

I stop, I sink, mind on the blink, I have nothing but my thoughts and plenty of lonely and empty days to think…

How can one man be so hated that he doesn’t deserve a reprieve, how can a man be satisfied when the world doesn’t care if he screams…for his needs…still he bleeds…and no way he can ever feed the need to not be so solitary, so very very out of circulation, round and round we go, no solutions just more hurtful contemplation.

Cause what do you do when the world confirms the worst thoughts in your head?

That the world is cold, there nothing here for you, you might as well be dead?

 

Sputtering now, cause this engine wants to die, what have we gotten for useless emotion, blind devotion and foolish pride?

Want to pull in for some needed service, I know I have the miles on my wheels to deserve this.

But the mechanics are elsewhere and the road is barren for miles.

-Thomas Spychalski


On My Own

November 23, 2016

cropped-404193_353356824685439_994789052_n.jpgThis day goes by like any other, from winter to summer, all alone day to day, can someone make the loneliness go away?

 

No one and nothing to do, life seems easier when it’s not just you. You’re thoughts can flow, others know that you’re here too.

Someone to care when life seems to hurt, someone to love when life would flirt. But here I am dealing on my own, this isolation buries me, I’m rotting down to bones.

I reach out but no one takes my hand, I retreat, I scream maybe I can make them understand. I can stab others and I’m sorry but no one could get life without, you never see another.

 

Scream it to the page, that same old rage from the child, the one that seemed to be filed, outside the circle, was told I was no good, now I’m suppossed to believe, just cause I can’t leave, this is as it should.

 

What can I do? Where can I turn? Every direction I try I burn. Who can I lean on on dark days that keep coming, the emotions that keep on clinging, I don’t wanba be asking so desperate and conspicuous, but the days are long,  nights are strong and the pain is capricious.

Any port to leave the storm? Can I stop being excluded become the norm? I’m just looking for someplace warm, because this life in me is getting worn away.

-Thomas Spychalski


Cold

November 19, 2016

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Woke up this morning on the wrong side of my head,

Thinking those thoughts that might leave other people dead.

Forcing through contributions, I’m so heavy at my peak,

Once so strong, now I’m wrong, frightened just to speak.

 

The cold outside matches the terrible waking moment,

Fury, unrequited rage of equality, you’re the destroyer so own it.

So beautiful, yet the dark inside my eyes, my tortured head,

if this is gifted, can I exchange it, maybe different ground I’d tread.

Head filled with black mantras, the joke is always on me,

Came out broken, soul unspoken, did you dare to call victory?

Winds carry thoughts, that I’d rather not even think,

Can’t see clear, so much fear, step forward but don’t blink.

Read the rest of this entry »


If I Sleep Now…

November 19, 2016

cropped-404193_353356824685439_994789052_n.jpgSun rising in a cold gray mourn,

Of all the sins I adorn,

Wearing like ribbons of fame,

keepers of the battlefield set aflame.

 

Towards the past, we ride,

a time that refuses to hide.

Onto the curve of stagnant dimensions,

anything to relieve this tension.

 

And if I sleep now…

When I will awaken, will it come shaking,

can you show me how?

To wake to the world, shedding all this pain?

That makes me rain, it’s all the same,

Yet I deserve the blame…

What better way to make sure you wake up in shame, call my name.

Read the rest of this entry »


Heavy Skies

November 19, 2016

imag2102How fitting it’s the coldest day of the year by far,

No warming up this place now, no shooting star.

I was barren and full of hateful jealousy and pride,

This is how we create the realities in which we reside.

 

Silent sinner, call me home to check I am secure,

I never wanted this, just wanted to become pure.

Still warranted in what I have once repeated/stated,

the loneliness and pain have never once yet abated.

 

So if I say I don’t know why, don’t believe my lies,

it is quite in the open, from sun to heavy skies,

That I did the deeds myself…

And the demise…of everything I hope for,

Tears in disguise…for everything I dream.

Behind my eyes…is the saving lights I tore,

So I surmise…this will be a silent scream.

 

Teachers give me lessons, forgiven and ignore,

Cause I always think abandonment is in store.

I am the fool, the straws that took me right back,

War games of self, self-sabo, right off the right track.

 

I swear I would never want this horrible thing I carry,

I only know thrusts, forget how to defend and parry.

Nothing to do now but wait for the setting of this ‘son.’

You think you’re out but the crimes say it has just begun.

 

So if I say I don’t know why, don’t believe my lies,

it is quite in the open, from sun to heavy skies,

That I did the deeds myself…

And the demise…of everything I hope for,

Tears in disguise…for everything I dream.

Behind my eyes…is the saving lights I tore,

So I surmise…this will be a silent scream.

 

One more set of words, then no redemption but retreat,

More emptiness, more broken connections at my feet.

I wish I could heal the boy, crying in my sick head,

One of us wants to live, the other wants us dead.

 

Tug of war eternal, how I wish you’d leave in peace,

Hidden talents, in a box, folded in the heart’s crease.

Wonderfully terrible is how they may now describe,

The one they lost, I lost, for every pain I transcribed.

 

So if I say I don’t know why, don’t believe my lies,

it is quite in the open, from sun to heavy skies,

That I did the deeds myself…

And the demise…of everything I hope for,

Tears in disguise…for everything I dream.

Behind my eyes…is the saving lights I tore,

So I surmise…this will be a silent scream.

And all I wanted…

Thomas Spychalski

 

 

 

 

 


Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became POTUS

November 10, 2016

david_letterman_top_ten_featuredSadly David Letterman is gone from our television screens. So here is the ‘Top Ten’ list you know Dave was running through his head while he watched the results come in.

Sooo..Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became President of the United States in the traditional ‘Late Night/Show’ style.

donald-trump-funny-hair#10: Having a few beers and making crank calls to nuclear missile launching sites and yelling: “Defcon one!”

#9: Free international long distance to talk to his buddy ‘Putin.’

#8: The Interns.

#7: Using the Secret Service to pick up his dry cleaning.

#6: Plans to rename Washington D.C. ‘Trump-land.’

#5: Something to hold over people’s heads at his next high school reunion.

#4: Presidential Bath Towels.

#3: Melania needed something to go with her new white dress.

#2: Finally running something that has some longevity.

#1: And the number one reason Donald Trump became President of the United States is: Being able to grope women in the White House and blaming it on ‘Lincoln’s Ghost.’

Thomas Spychalski


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