No Title

August 7, 2020

People only call to need salve when they burn,
When your skin is fresh and supple, there is no return,
When days are bright my court’s adjourned,
Being ‘loved’ in such a way is being used, when will I learn?

No days that count unless you bend on a scraped knee,
The Magic words are: “I need,” now watch them flee,
If you cast shadows after, that too is on me,
A man who loves so much forced never to be.

The world’s cold extreme exclusion,
While you live in a gilded glowing illusion,
It’s OK to kill if it means your absolution,
Never mind the blood and the other’s confusion.

Lay down the sword only to pick up the shield,
Against false prophets, lies they do wield,
My brain is set to naught, my heart is peeled,
Only desperation and exasperation in my field.


Don’t take Away My Rain (I May Need It)

August 4, 2020

Only a month ago on the day, they call independence day,
The rush was so sweet and that night so complete,
I truly felt alive and whole, everything was finally OK…

Next evening the clouds came from the sky,
Consequences of that silly incidence,
And it made me wonder why oh why?

But you can’t give up and you can’t lay down,
Don’t let that old devil have his crown,
because you never know, because you never know,
Just because the mountains tall,
well, that doesn’t mean shit at all,
And even if it’s a lifetime or a day,
You still have time to dance and sway,
please don’t waste the day…
Because you never know…

You may know all the pain I’ve seen, but I’m not sure if you know what it means,
It is not just a feeling of the hurt, but rather the way the healing flirts,
I won’t go away, I won’t back down, I will continue to stand my ground,
For you and me and everyone…

You can’t give up and you can’t lay down,
Don’t let that old devil have his crown,
because you never know, because you never know,
Just because the mountains tall,
well, that doesn’t mean shit at all,
And even if it’s a lifetime or a day,
You still have time to dance and sway,
please don’t waste the day…
Because you never know…

Don’t you dare take my pain, don’t you dare take my rain, don’t you try and take the only things that will make me stronger………..

Don’t you dare take my pain, don’t you dare take my rain, don’t you try and take the only things that will make me stronger………..
Thomas Spychalski 


Good Little Doggy

July 18, 2020

Bored and lonely, once again in this room,
The same old cell of four walls.
Pardon and parole, once again I am gone,
No time to stop or to stall.

Putting the toys in the toy box,
Because I no longer want to play.
it seems the only time you are happy,
is when you get your own way (and I stay).

Good little doggy he said, just sit right here,
You used me to buffer all your fear.
Your little best friend now has grown heavy with your pain,
Gave me all the shit I hold, yet still, I abstain.

Drugs and booze used to be my calling card,
Wash away any feelings of thought.
When you fell you fell hard,
and you want me to re-buy what I already bought (and thrown away)

Putting the toys in the toy box,
Because I no longer want to play.
it seems the only time you are happy,
is when you get your own way (and I stay).

Good little doggy he said, just sit right here,
You used me to buffer all your fear.
Your little best friend now has grown heavy with your pain,
Gave me all the shit I hold, yet still, I abstain.

Sins and events, I can’t quite remember,
While laying in that bed.
Yelling and angry, you shouted it at me,
Does that mean it was true?

Want you to know I forgive because my soul is all I was left with.
Want you to know I love you, even though I still burn.
Want you to know I wish I had a father, even though your right here.

Manipulate, I procrastinate, only because of your fucking hate, this is it all goes down, soon you’ll see who wears the crown, king of the house, king of the dog, while I wandered in this deep fog, you took my actions but not my soul, I will no longer bury this shit back in that hole, blacked-out memories, I’m not right, but still, I won’t waste another night..this is you…you were inside me and I have to let you go…

Putting the toys in the toy box,
Because I no longer want to play.
it seems the only time you are happy,
is when you get your own way (and I stay).

Good little doggy he said, just sit right here,
You used me to buffer all your fear.
Your little best friend now has grown heavy with your pain,
Gave me all the shit I hold, yet still, I abstain.
Thomas Spychalski 


Sitting Ovation

June 28, 2020

Something like gravitation, a fascination, yet machinations takes the fixation through filtration then frustration, leading to stagnation…

And in the end, it’s just another bend with the flirtation of scared silent divination, just our mom’s natural rotation but I feel like I’ve been put on probation but it’s really a whine and moan narration…

So I guess for right now we can forget the next standing ovation…

Thomas Spychalski 


Curtain Call

June 24, 2020

You always want me to be your sunshine, but it’s hard to soak up the light when you feel as cold as the moon.
Through trials and tribulations it’s never mine, but yet they tell me for the honest and good man, it must be coming soon.

And yet we have to live through today, perform today’s version of this play, and even if I cry after the curtains draw closed and sway, the things that burn within I’d never give away.
Thomas Spychalski


Difference

June 24, 2020

I’m out here is there anything real,
Anger rises and I hate to feel…

…All those things that call inside,
Wounds deep that hurt my pride.

Liars and circumstance of the task,
Meanwhile, you get to choose to bask…

…In all the things I willingly gave,
Guess it is my lot always a drone, slave.

When all I want to do is rest in arms,
That truly loves me, never to harm…

…Endless fruitless circle, cold thrush,
So infected, this dark heart does gush.

Bleeding out here for all to point and see,
The difference between you and me.

…Is I make it my purpose to hold and heal,
While you are a criminal, one-sided chance to steal.
Thomas Spychalski 


Provisions

June 20, 2020

I should see by now,
But desperation rules,
All prizes for normal people,
Nothing for the broken.

I’ll sell it all right now again,
For a spoonful of that water,
Seeing no suns, rising denied,
I cannot see a reason to stay.

Tired of all the lies and misery,
Try hard, fall harder, defect alone,
A leper in man-sized funeral attire,
Buried under the weight of ‘nothing.’

Keep calling out, echoes only,
Fuck it but cannot be forced out,
I still will have to be bled, drought,
Ask me where I am, provide a hell.
Thomas Spychalski 


Alotted

June 11, 2020

Inner feeling of value,
Worthy state denied,
Underestimated,
Chews at my pride.

Little bit of bitter,
Fills up with the hole,
Rare paintings devalued,
Over me it rolls.

Do you remember it?
The rarity inside,
Why can’t I land?
Cursed ride, underhand.

Always on a sideline,
Hold it in, implosion,
Desire for top billing,
Confidence, erosion.

Wire where I’m waiting,
Balance you’ll be fine,
Tested and deemed true,
Lips denied it’s wine.

Do you value it?
The gifts imparted,
Unrapped but boxed up,
Drink deep please that cup.

Safety in ghost numbers,
Haunting my best show,
Tepid little slow burns,
Washed out by love’s snow.

Try to wait not trashy,
Deftly circle the runways,
Breathe but suffocate,
In ‘allotted’ times each day.

Can you now feel it?
Out, strong, beating proud,
Seeping love, truest true,
Sadness here, nothing new.
Thomas Spychalski 


Killing Floor

June 2, 2020

School is in session,
Let the lesson begin,
World is a glasshouse,
Ignorance is a sin.

Remind me of the fight,
Bells chime the rounds,
Call of the ethic true,
Blind eyes astound.

I look at the killing floor,
Everyone sheep lined to shear,
No one sees that open door,
Visions in glossy red veneer.

Want to scream again,
Balance never found,
Take the hit slowly,
On uneven ground.

Cast a spell of lies,
River clogged trail,
Clean the wounds,
Scars do prevail.

I look at the killing floor,
Everyone sheep lined to shear,
Strangling my inner core,
As they find not love but fear.
Thomas Spychalski


Calling

June 1, 2020

I called it but never have been proud of the knowledge which made me think another Rome falls in madness,
I saw it, but it doesn’t mean I will be a party to the unrelenting cycles of causing sadness.

Calling all to the fire, calling all stars, near or far, one more on the wire, peace was the only desire.

I called it and I wish I did not own this vision or any of my overthinking pictures in my head,
I tasted it before and I never wanted that chapter of that tired, old, outdated book to ever be read.

Calling you all out, calling all stars, kept in jars, my love, and my political doubts.

I called it but I never wanted this terror to come ever down the dirt road to the forked pass,
I heard it, but I don’t want it to exist, a world at each other’s throats, anarchy in mass.

Calling all colors and shapes friends, calling all stars, internal bars, can we have relateable zen, because I never want to see it again.


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