Culmination

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Is this an end or a beginning, sorry I can never tell,

Pressed for time and change and I’m not feeling too well,

If you look at the ground you can see an impression where I fell.

 

Is this opportunity or more wasted energy I can never be sure,

A king among men if only I could make myself pure,

I cannot move, stagnant while the world moves on in such a blur.

 

Is this really the culmination, end of these trials, final divination, oh how I’d love the sensation to feel I’ve won in this mediation.

But ‘it’ will come up and I’ll soon stab myself again.

 

 

Do you really care for me it’s so hard for me to accept,

Each time I’m shown an inspiration or a path I feel so inept,

Sorry for when my feet stayed on the ground and I know I should have leapt.

 

Are you really digging my art, it’s so hard for me to take,

Yet it tries to get out so hard I think I might break,

Circling endlessly around the pain and now I feel fake. 

 

I wish I could take in all the light that I was given…

Make good on all the times that I’ve been forgiven…

Wish I could be some kind of acceptable…

Instead of so dispensable…

Despite my actions reprehensible…

I still love the world…it just won’t let me in.

 

Do you really love me, so hard for me to hear,

Years of no one answering, hiding in fear,

Now I look at a new world, vision unclear.

 

People look for more than the fraction,

They want your heartfelt action,

But with myself it’s a fatal attraction.

 

Is this really the culmination, end of these trials, final divination, oh how I’d love the sensation to feel I’ve won in this mediation.

But ‘It’ will come up and can I love myself again?

Thomas Spychalski

 

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