If Donald Trump Was A…

Grocery Store Produce Manager: “You know, I automatically stock the tomatoes. I just start stocking them, I don’t even wait. And when you’re the produce manager they let you do it. Grab ’em by the boxful.”

Flight Attendant: “I better give the safety briefing, just in case we crash. You know, I automatically put on the fasten seatbelt light, like a pro. I just put it on, I don’t even wait for the captain to do it. And when you’re going to be at ten-thousand feet, they just let you do it, you can tell them anything. Grab under the seat for the flotation device, you can tell them anything.”

UFC Fighter: “I better put some talcum powder on my hands, just in case I get to do a submission. You know, I automatically go for the submission, I don’t even wait. And as it is a UFC match, they just let you do it, you can do anything. Grab ’em and put them in a rear naked choke, you can do anything.”

UFO Researcher: “I better get my camera ready, just in case we see a UFO. You know I automatically take a picture if I think there is anything strange in the sky, I don’t even wait. And as we are in the middle of nowhere, they just let you do it, you can take a photo of anything. Grab your camera and shoot away, you can do anything.”

Olympic Gymnast: “I better get my T.V. face ready, just in case I win a medal. You know I am all about the gold, like a magnet. Just the face. I don’t even wait to see the score. And when you’re on T.V., they want you to do that. Just grab the balance bar and smile, they let you do it.”

Animal Control Officer: “You know, I’m automatically prone to catching animals. I just start catching them. It’s like a gift. Just catch ’em. I don’t even wait to get the bite stick, I just catch ’em. And when you’re with animal control, they just let you do it. Grab ’em by the scruff of the neck and throw them in the back of the van, they just let you do it.”

Creepy Clown: “You know, I am just automatically scary. I just start scaring people. Like a creepy pasta come to life. Just scare’em. I don’t even wait for them to get fully in the woods, just scare ’em. And when you’re a scary creepy ass clown, they just let you scare them. Grab the kids and drag them into the woods, they are so scared they let you do it.”

Jehovah’s Witness: “You Know I just knock on the door and start talking about God, I don’t even wait. I just talk about God. And when you are talking about the afterlife and the rapture, they just let you do it. Grab a Bible and knock on doors, they just let you preach to them.”

–Thomas Spychalski 

 

 

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