I Don’t Understand

Last Summer I met a woman held in a male master’s cage, within two hours, got what she said no one else could make her see, to turn the page.
Funny how after the thanking was gone and over, from that not even friendship did spark, I gave you light, you left me in the dark…

I don’t understand the lack,
Even though I loved to save you.

Once was walking to work, man I barely knew started walking beside me, told me his pain, replied with something I cannot even remember, came back that said I changed his life, so why after his rescue was my heart dark, stabbed with strife…

I don’t understand.
Who the hell am I to guide anyway?

Two of the most beautiful people I have ever known, once showed me their Pandora’s Box alone, Would have died for them to live, be they, lovers or sisters, so why did I feel not so close, like I was held at bay, know I’m to blame but I saw long before I blew you both had already lowered by value internally, threw me away…

I don’t understand.
Even though I hate that it was all me.

Multiple accounts of random people saying that the light they found I did inspire, dared to lift their art higher, so why when I try to paint my pretty needed pictures do I feel like I am alone on a tightrope wire?

I don’t understand.
Even though I push my brush down firmly.

I don’t understand the imbalance inside, I don’t understand this unpaid pride, cannot fathom and so we choose to hide…because we choose to no longer attempt to heal only to have the echo be pain.

Thomas Spychalski


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