I swear I have the worst luck, and for this post, for a ‘real-life’ section that has been neglected since I created it, we might as well start here.
(And honestly, have no one else to tell these things to or talk to about it, so I’ll post it to the internet in lonely desperation.)
I feel like one of those people that are almost cursed, nothing ever works out to a positive outcome and even if I do try, something always gets in the way to make it a negative experience.
If you like a person, they don’t like you, if you make plans with anybody for anything they fall apart if you try and improve things, another damaging blow comes and knocks you down again.
Last week is a great example. I have health issues with my legs, which I would need a whole separate post to explain, but long story short would be that I pushed myself on broken wheels since my mid-twenties (stolen youth part two really), and after I had two blood clots in 2014 I figured I had enough and would apply for assistance.
So after two years of scary poverty, being poked and prodded and being in a hearing where you’d think I was on murder charges by the way they acted, I got denied every time.
Then at this past Christmas lost the job I had, spent New Year’s Eve talking to a ‘crisis line’ as I was tired of being alone while the whole world partied, then had to dust myself off because while I see freeloaders galore in this world who can ask for free everything but can’t get up the balls to get a damn job, because sadly I need to eat.
Couple weeks later went back to paying into the system that would not help me (but helps the people that are drains on society, the kind of people I see buying junk with EBT cards that then give me hundreds and hundreds a week for the fucking Lottery), by going back to work in the only industry I’d known, retail.
Life chugs on but then last week hurt my back, could not walk, missed days of work and during that time as I had no one to help me at all, actually did not eat for about two days, which was the norm at some point during that wasted two year period trying to get what I paid for from the gov.
So at times, I feel cursed, I feel like the world treats me like garbage it does not want.
Another example came this year in writing. A group of people started a book of protest poetry and was eager to get it done and was working hard at it, especially as I liked the idea of the message it sent out.
Then due to some drama from a scammer, it all fell apart, even though the scammer had a new book out that month, helped along by another leader of the failed project.
Ends up it was some really weird shit, but in the end, as always I was the only one at an actual ‘loss.’
This could be said for many people I have helped…you say I saved you, inspired you, ‘changed your life?’
Well, then how about the payment for services rendered?
I swear I’m gonna start invoicing people if I do something for them, hoping to receive the same level of care and concern I gave freely, at least then I could take them to small claims court and get my heart unchained again.