“The best tool a creative writer can have is his five-year-old self in his head, the kid that imagined they were in space floating in zero gravity when jumping on the bed and had tea parties with his or her best imaginary friends.” – Thomas Spychalski
Depression and mental illness are still taboo words in the modern world, at least in the sense that although as a species we are more aware that these things actually do exist (I mean come on, as recently as the fifties or sixties you could tell your family doctor you were feeling ‘down’ and he or she would hand you a script for quaaludes…which just created another problem) and the ways that they work, but I think when it comes down to society we still do not see depression as the same as we would someone in a wheelchair or with a broken leg.
Most of us would open a door for the two examples of physical ailments described above but most are hard pressed to do the same thing for someone who is suffering from depression or anxiety, two mental illnesses that have dominated large across my nearly four decades on this Earth.
So in that sense, I am being a bit unfair and hypocritical, because of it easier for me to empathize and relate to others I might encounter who are suffering through similar times and the same disease.
And then my whirlwind of a smart but totally fucked at times mind (that is a technical term by the way, and I think I just stole a joke from a Batman film), will go even further down the rabbit hole and tell me psychology is still a kind of new science being taught to people that think a reality television star would make a good world leader and at one time thought disco was cool.
(Yeah, my brain is kind of a dick.)
They took the eyes of a clear-headed man, he would see no bias and could also see with clarity how foolish every society around him was because they refused the greatest gift, the gift of themselves, which would later be a great source of irony.
Heart of tarnished gold, made that way by the smoke burnt down below, in some ways a treasure in the world as it is now and in others an overcompensating parody of what the heart does, dipping into contracted tyranny.
Mind ‘scattered’ with gifts to be sure, but this one had been rocked, this one had been rolled, words and notes can flow like a fastly moving stream, complex thoughts lead to a wondrous and misunderstood place where the greatest of man has arisen before, but yet the pain that has throbbed forever has never fully abated.
In the mind, there are gifts but also unwanted property, a million insults programmed in the pathways of daily creation, deadly mantras that in horror feel like breath, for even as the memories remain and time works its fading magic, the truest truth remains, it was never the world, but the mirror he truly hated.
In history, there are a few moments where it seems people always seem to remember where they were and what they were doing as it occurred or when they heard the news.
Pearl Harbor, the assassination president of John F. Kennedy and Neil Armstrong’s first steps on the moon.
While not being old enough to remember the events and tragedies mentioned above, like all other generations my own had its share of days that would indeed live on in infamy.
I barely recall John Lennon being shot and killed by a crazed fan named David Chapman and recall with horror watching the NASA space shuttle Challenger exploding shortly after launch due to an O-ring failure.
Nothing would compare though with the tragic events of September, 11th, 2001 however when I along with the rest of the world watched thousands of people die in a terrorist attack on the World Trade Center’s twin towers.
This article will not focus on the history or the cause of the tragedy, but rather on my personal recollections of the event.
Additionally, there will not be any of the conspiracy theories that have sprung up around that event after the fact. Despite always keeping an open mind (Just see my other website for proof of that) and having some very non-conformist political beliefs, on this day it is better to focus on what we know happened that day, which was massive loss of life and the shattering of the safety net we as Americans had been living under for over half a century.