Top Ten Things on Melania Trump’s Birthday List:

If you want another top ten based on Donny, click here.

10: Any birthday ‘dinner’not on the McDonald’s value menu.

9: Asylum.

8: For any other man to jump out of her birthday cake.

7: Another ‘Russian Probe’ rather than shrunken American sausage.

6: Access to Michelle Obama’s ‘speech vault.’

5: A cure for Stockholm Syndrome.

4: Armor against those monthly ‘stomach rashes’ from sex.

3: Ruby Slippers.

2: Divorce.

And the number one thing Melania wanted for her birthday was:

“A stable penis.”

-Thomas Spychalski

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Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became POTUS

Sadly David Letterman is gone from our television screens. So here is the ‘Top Ten’ list you know Dave was running through his head while he watched the results come in.

Sooo..Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became President of the United States in the traditional ‘Late Night/Show’ style.

#10: Having a few beers and making crank calls to nuclear missile launching sites and yelling: “Defcon one!”

#9: Free international long distance to talk to his buddy ‘Putin.’

#8: The Interns.

#7: Using the Secret Service to pick up his dry cleaning.

#6: Plans to rename Washington D.C. ‘Trump-land.’

#5: Something to hold over people’s heads at his next high school reunion.

#4: Presidential Bath Towels.

#3: Melania needed something to go with her new white dress.

#2: Finally running something that has some longevity.

#1: And the number one reason Donald Trump became President of the United States is: Being able to grope women in the White House and blaming it on ‘Lincoln’s Ghost.’

–Thomas Spychalski

Short Fiction: The Perfect Crime

This was originally inspired by a writing Prompt from Reddit.

Enjoy and please let me know what you think of it in the comment section:

“No good will come of this you know”

“I know…”

The couple stood over the dead body, staring down at the lifeless form at their feet. The Body was still fresh, the eyes open and accusing, the hollow stare that will one day happen to all of us when the soul vacates it’s shell.

“So what do we do now?” She asked.

“I guess we bury it, try to make sure she does not see it before she gets up.”

She looked at her watch, then up at the bedroom window on the second floor of the house.

“That only gives us a couple hours…”

“Then we better work quickly then.”

Seating Arrangements (A Tale of Woe and Discomfort)

I have a nemesis.

It can stop me from working longer than a couple of hours at my desk, it stops progress on both The Severe Storm & Weather Phobia website as well as my personal writing site. It halts me doing long involved posts for Cult Britannia and even worse scares me away from doing any kind of fiction writing as its powers are too strong to resist.

But my greatest enemy in writing well and often is not writer’s block, not a fear of rejection by editors or webmasters, not even the horrors that are editing and proofreading.

No my enemy is a cheap twenty-dollar ‘student chair’ from Wal-Mart that kills my back and my left knee and allows for no leaning back while deep in thought (Bad enough I can’t smoke cigars at my desk!) or long sessions trying to beat Castlevania: Lament Of Innocence on the PS2 either (Which perhaps is not a bad thing?).