If Donald Trump Was A…

October 13, 2016

Grocery Store Produce Manager: “You know, I automatically stock the tomatoes. I just start stocking them, I don’t even wait. And when you’re the produce manager they let you do it. Grab ’em by the boxful.”donald-trump-funny-hair

Flight Attendant: “I better give the safety briefing, just in case we crash. You know, I automatically put on the fasten seatbelt light, like a pro. I just put it on, I don’t even wait for the captain to do it. And when you’re going to be at ten-thousand feet, they just let you do it, you can tell them anything. Grab under the seat for the flotation device, you can tell them anything.”

UFC Fighter: “I better put some talcum powder on my hands, just in case I get to do a submission. You know, I automatically go for the submission, I don’t even wait. And as it is a UFC match, they just let you do it, you can do anything. Grab ’em and put them in a rear naked choke, you can do anything.”

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Short Fiction: The Perfect Crime

August 10, 2015

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This was originally inspired by a writing Prompt from Reddit.

Enjoy and please let me know what you think of it in the comment section:

“No good will come of this you know”

“I know…”

The couple stood over the dead body, staring down at the lifeless form at their feet. The Body was still fresh, the eyes open and accusing, the hollow stare that will one day happen to all of us when the soul vacates it’s shell.

“So what do we do now?” She asked.

“I guess we bury it, try to make sure she does not see it before she gets up.”

She looked at her watch, then up at the bedroom window on the second floor of the house.

“That only gives us a couple hours…”

“Then we better work quickly then.”

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Seating Arrangements (A Tale of Woe and Discomfort)

December 24, 2011

I have a nemesis.

It can stop me from working longer than a couple of hours at my desk, it stops progress on both The Severe Storm & Weather Phobia website as well as my personal writing site. It halts me doing long involved posts for Cult Britannia and even worse scares me away from doing any kind of fiction writing as its powers are too strong to resist.

But my greatest enemy in writing well and often is not writer’s block, not a fear of rejection by editors or webmasters, not even the horrors that are editing and proofreading.

No my enemy is a cheap twenty-dollar ‘student chair’ from Wal-Mart that kills my back and my left knee and allows for no leaning back while deep in thought (Bad enough I can’t smoke cigars at my desk!) or long sessions trying to beat Castlevania: Lament Of Innocence on the PS2 either (Which perhaps is not a bad thing?).

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