Top Ten Things on Melania Trump’s Birthday List:

If you want another top ten based on Donny, click here.

10: Any birthday ‘dinner’not on the McDonald’s value menu.

9: Asylum.

8: For any other man to jump out of her birthday cake.

7: Another ‘Russian Probe’ rather than shrunken American sausage.

6: Access to Michelle Obama’s ‘speech vault.’

5: A cure for Stockholm Syndrome.

4: Armor against those monthly ‘stomach rashes’ from sex.

3: Ruby Slippers.

2: Divorce.

And the number one thing Melania wanted for her birthday was:

“A stable penis.”

-Thomas Spychalski

Advertisements

Thousand Year Field of Battle

Gaze to the East to see a new sun,
When it ends, it is time to shun.
Yet clocks tick on thoughtlessly,
Any new portraits of progress that you can see?

Greed and oppression still wear the crowns,
War for peace, petticoats for dressing gowns.
Measure progression in technological grace,
Still, here we are you have to hide your real face.

They sell you dreams of Tomorrow-Land,
And bite the ones that feed the lust open hand.
Are you busted nothing has shifted,
All become numb except the insane and the gifted.

Rising up, time for the field of the freak-show battle,
We are sainted souls dressed in black, not your slaughterhouse cattle.
You can drag me on the rocks of painted out misery,
At the end of the thousand years gap, just repeated history.

–Thomas Spychalski

Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became POTUS

Sadly David Letterman is gone from our television screens. So here is the ‘Top Ten’ list you know Dave was running through his head while he watched the results come in.

Sooo..Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became President of the United States in the traditional ‘Late Night/Show’ style.

#10: Having a few beers and making crank calls to nuclear missile launching sites and yelling: “Defcon one!”

#9: Free international long distance to talk to his buddy ‘Putin.’

#8: The Interns.

#7: Using the Secret Service to pick up his dry cleaning.

#6: Plans to rename Washington D.C. ‘Trump-land.’

#5: Something to hold over people’s heads at his next high school reunion.

#4: Presidential Bath Towels.

#3: Melania needed something to go with her new white dress.

#2: Finally running something that has some longevity.

#1: And the number one reason Donald Trump became President of the United States is: Being able to grope women in the White House and blaming it on ‘Lincoln’s Ghost.’

–Thomas Spychalski

If Donald Trump Was A…

Grocery Store Produce Manager: “You know, I automatically stock the tomatoes. I just start stocking them, I don’t even wait. And when you’re the produce manager they let you do it. Grab ’em by the boxful.”

Flight Attendant: “I better give the safety briefing, just in case we crash. You know, I automatically put on the fasten seatbelt light, like a pro. I just put it on, I don’t even wait for the captain to do it. And when you’re going to be at ten-thousand feet, they just let you do it, you can tell them anything. Grab under the seat for the flotation device, you can tell them anything.”

UFC Fighter: “I better put some talcum powder on my hands, just in case I get to do a submission. You know, I automatically go for the submission, I don’t even wait. And as it is a UFC match, they just let you do it, you can do anything. Grab ’em and put them in a rear naked choke, you can do anything.”

Serve & Protect

From the nations of Islam to the nations of Christ,

Blood was easy, profits, no one thought twice.

Alchemy, turning Human heart to stone,

Protect your mind, the only thing you own.

 

False elections, criminals and reality stars,

A Western world living behind iron bars.

Out of the ashes comes constructed hate,

Not your thoughts, mass media lies sealed your fate.

 

They say they are here to protect and serve,

Yet let them do your thinking, you get what you deserve.

Where the hell’s your pride, your mind, your verve?

 

They say they love us, serve and protect,

They only care about saving their own necks.

Once freedom becomes fear, what’s next?

In a world where hatred reigns and love wrecks?