If you want another top ten based on Donny, click here.
10: Any birthday ‘dinner’not on the McDonald’s value menu.
9: Asylum.
8: For any other man to jump out of her birthday cake.
7: Another ‘Russian Probe’ rather than shrunken American sausage.
6: Access to Michelle Obama’s ‘speech vault.’
5: A cure for Stockholm Syndrome.
4: Armor against those monthly ‘stomach rashes’ from sex.
3: Ruby Slippers.
2: Divorce.
And the number one thing Melania wanted for her birthday was:
“A stable penis.”
-Thomas Spychalski
If Donald Trump Was A…
October 13, 2016Grocery Store Produce Manager: “You know, I automatically stock the tomatoes. I just start stocking them, I don’t even wait. And when you’re the produce manager they let you do it. Grab ’em by the boxful.”
Flight Attendant: “I better give the safety briefing, just in case we crash. You know, I automatically put on the fasten seatbelt light, like a pro. I just put it on, I don’t even wait for the captain to do it. And when you’re going to be at ten-thousand feet, they just let you do it, you can tell them anything. Grab under the seat for the flotation device, you can tell them anything.”
UFC Fighter: “I better put some talcum powder on my hands, just in case I get to do a submission. You know, I automatically go for the submission, I don’t even wait. And as it is a UFC match, they just let you do it, you can do anything. Grab ’em and put them in a rear naked choke, you can do anything.”
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