November 10, 2016
Sadly David Letterman is gone from our television screens. So here is the ‘Top Ten’ list you know Dave was running through his head while he watched the results come in.
Sooo..Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Became President of the United States in the traditional ‘Late Night/Show’ style.
#10: Having a few beers and making crank calls to nuclear missile launching sites and yelling: “Defcon one!”
#9: Free international long distance to talk to his buddy ‘Putin.’
#8: The Interns.
#7: Using the Secret Service to pick up his dry cleaning.
#6: Plans to rename Washington D.C. ‘Trump-land.’
#5: Something to hold over people’s heads at his next high school reunion.
#4: Presidential Bath Towels.
#3: Melania needed something to go with her new white dress.
#2: Finally running something that has some longevity.
#1: And the number one reason Donald Trump became President of the United States is: Being able to grope women in the White House and blaming it on ‘Lincoln’s Ghost.’
October 13, 2016
Grocery Store Produce Manager: “You know, I automatically stock the tomatoes. I just start stocking them, I don’t even wait. And when you’re the produce manager they let you do it. Grab ’em by the boxful.”
Flight Attendant: “I better give the safety briefing, just in case we crash. You know, I automatically put on the fasten seatbelt light, like a pro. I just put it on, I don’t even wait for the captain to do it. And when you’re going to be at ten-thousand feet, they just let you do it, you can tell them anything. Grab under the seat for the flotation device, you can tell them anything.”
UFC Fighter: “I better put some talcum powder on my hands, just in case I get to do a submission. You know, I automatically go for the submission, I don’t even wait. And as it is a UFC match, they just let you do it, you can do anything. Grab ’em and put them in a rear naked choke, you can do anything.”
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