Depression and mental illness are still taboo words in the modern world, at least in the sense that although as a species we are more aware that these things actually do exist (I mean come on, as recently as the fifties or sixties you could tell your family doctor you were feeling ‘down’ and he or she would hand you a script for quaaludes…which just created another problem) and the ways that they work, but I think when it comes down to society we still do not see depression as the same as we would someone in a wheelchair or with a broken leg.
Most of us would open a door for the two examples of physical ailments described above but most are hard pressed to do the same thing for someone who is suffering from depression or anxiety, two mental illnesses that have dominated large across my nearly four decades on this Earth.
So in that sense, I am being a bit unfair and hypocritical, because of it easier for me to empathize and relate to others I might encounter who are suffering through similar times and the same disease.
And then my whirlwind of a smart but totally fucked at times mind (that is a technical term by the way, and I think I just stole a joke from a Batman film), will go even further down the rabbit hole and tell me psychology is still a kind of new science being taught to people that think a reality television star would make a good world leader and at one time thought disco was cool.
(Yeah, my brain is kind of a dick.)
Behind the eyes untouched emotions swell,
Spinning lies to try and return to familiar territory.
Again we push it down for we don’t know what to do, who to tell,
Repeated madness that went from pain, to survival to mandatory.
Fighting the internal realm where both the birth and the death blur,
Horizons never to be reached because I am calling myself back with all the hurt.
Concentration focused not on the present but past then the shades stir,
To a place where my beauty and my ignorance bond and begin to flirt.
Crying out to the gods for a just a little bit of needed balance in the cards,
Experiences that will enhance my path and spark determination.
Although even when the sun rises I will break it down into tiny shards,
A blind balancing act caused by decades of self hate and emotional misappropriation
Yet I know true balance is self created within… I still feel the unbalanced ticks of time passed outside of our world.